Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A bitchslap is in order.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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