my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My life is pants optional.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize