Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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