She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
