sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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