i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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