waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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