it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
