Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize