I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
