hotel room ftw
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
