3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
