Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize