I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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