I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
