UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize