I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
