I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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