he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
