I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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