Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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