He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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