Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
