His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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