dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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