remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
