She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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