I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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