some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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