i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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