it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
