I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
