everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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