Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
