If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
