I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
