I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
