I just made out with a guy for $7.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
