can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
