Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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