Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
