I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
