Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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