I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
