I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize