from now on my penis is your penis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
