But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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