I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
