ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
