VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
