What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize