She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize