Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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