We won't sleep together?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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