Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
