Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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