Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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