party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
