Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She needs sedatives and a leash
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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