idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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