so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
