I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
