i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
