please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
