So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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