This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
