Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
