I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize