you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
