i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pants are for mortals
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
