I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
