wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
