i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
