Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let's get the cat blown out
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
