I'm lost and stupid without you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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