Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize