i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
