If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
