Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
