She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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