New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
