i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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