Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
