So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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