is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
