woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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