Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
