I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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