I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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