Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize