I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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