I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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