woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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