You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
